Who in their Right Mind Chooses
‘Conversion Therapy’?
By Colette Aikema
September 21st, 2021
The answer to this question should be a clear, resounding ‘No one,’ right? And in the common understanding of ‘conversion therapy’, clearly no one would. No one would knowingly and willingly subject themselves to torture, coercive pseudo-therapies or chemical castration. Because isn’t that what we all understand ‘conversion therapy’ to mean?
I certainly thought so. And I was eager to see it banned. Finally, an opportunity for all Canadians to unite in protecting LGBTQ people from harm. And most Canadians, including journalists, have understood and continue to understand all discussions about ‘conversion therapy’ to be about coercion and pain. In every single place in the world - except Canada - that is what ‘conversion therapy’ continues to mean.
So I was unpleasantly surprised –shocked, in fact –when I learned of Canada’s new, aberrant definition of what is now deceptively labeled as ‘conversion therapy’. In a definition not shared by any body of research or jurisdiction in the rest of the world, ‘conversion therapy’ has been expanded to include behavioral therapy and support groups for those whose sexuality or gender causes them distress. According to Canada’s definition, what I willingly chose to undergo, is ‘conversion therapy’.
I remember the first time I learned what therapy was. My mom had just gotten a job working as a school guidance counselor, and as she explained her work I listened with interest. I thought of the different struggles youth must be wrestling with, if there was a unique position at the school dedicated to help them. As a child I did not think I would ever need access to the types of care provided by people like my mom, but I could not have been more wrong.
I became a porn and sex addict after I was sexually assaulted as a teenager. I was molested by individuals in my community and unable to disclose what happened. It took nearly 10 years for me to find relief from the devastating consequences to my mental health, and there is one thing I know for sure: Without the help of my support group and counselor, I would not have made it. Suicidal thoughts are not unknown to me, and I understand what post-traumatic stress is. In the midst of all that pain caused by sexual trauma, I needed help.
The help I got was multifaceted. The faith-based support group I was part of gave me a community, others who understood my aches and pains and who were, like me, determined to seek God until the end, no matter what. We gave each other a safe place, opportunities for friendship and refreshment, and permission to let our inner realities and truths be spoken out loud. My secular counselor, on the other hand, was able to help me through behavioral therapy, giving me a way through the trauma of what happened when I was younger. She helped me discover that my identity was not based on what I felt or thought about myself; my identity was defined by who loved me unconditionally and perfectly, regardless of my weaknesses.
So, who in the world are these people who choose to get ‘conversion therapy’? Why on earth would anyone choose to seek out professional help to deal with their feelings and the outcomes of it? Our goal at Free to Care is to show that in no other area of mental health do we question our right to counseling. It is only due to the fissure caused by Canada’s ‘conversion therapy’ that we need to justify our counseling choices. Understanding counseling to be an important part of maintaining good mental health, we realize that the people who access counseling are Canadians of all stripes. We are consenting clients who made informed decisions about our health. We choose to get help as people of all faiths, from Christian to atheist to Muslim. Some of us are adults, and some of us got counseling as minors for many different reasons. Some choose it because they love their wife and kids and want to try to save their marriage in resisting to their homosexual attractions. Some, in the trans community, want to learn how to love the body they were born with. Still others want to align their behavior with their religious beliefs. Those of us who have made this choice should be acknowledged in this country and it should be known that counseling helped us.
I wish I did not have to defend my right to counseling, and I hope no one in the future will have to do so. That is why we are working hard not only to share our stories but to ensure that everyone else can continue to do so, as well. Now that the attacks on ‘conversion therapy’ are more virulent[1], it becomes even more important for us to speak truth about this situation that is in fact devastating in its consequences.
It is time we dispel myths about what our counseling was and why we got it. Over the past couple of years, we have learned a lot as a team about what the conversations around ‘conversion therapy’ is like. For those of us who have been directly involved in speaking to Canadian government officials about this topic, we have seen firsthand how polarizing the conversations about LGBTQ issues can become. We were interrupted and told to temper our comments. We have been fact-checked by academic professionals who disagreed with the facts of our testimony. We were censored from speaking to municipal governments on the topic altogether.
But what most of Canada fails to understand is the faulty assumptions Canada’s definition of ‘conversion therapy’ is based on. It came in the form of a question from a city councillor in Calgary: ‘Why would anyone get counseling to reduce their sexual attractions or behaviors?’ Begging the question, he suggested that even talking about these types of therapies and our personal experiences with them was both foolish and not welcome. Hate speech and homophobia, is what we were apparently guilty of. This should not scare us; it should motivate us.
I continue to go to therapy to deal with ongoing challenges to my mental health. Sometimes my behavior is a cause for concern, so we discuss how I navigate situations and whether there may be a better way forward. Sometimes it is my thoughts that distress me, and we use our sessions to speak truth into the ones that are not helpful to my recovery, rejecting the lies that tear me down. When our distress is related to our sexuality, we need all the help we can get.
This is what good, effective counseling can do. When change is desired, and help is available, counseling can completely change our lives. So, after hearing a Calgary city councillor malign the type of counseling I got, I could no longer be silent. We invite you to join us and do the same –speak out, be brave, and be kind.
See Colette’s statement to the justice committee on Bill C-6
September 21st, 2021
The answer to this question should be a clear, resounding ‘No one,’ right? And in the common understanding of ‘conversion therapy’, clearly no one would. No one would knowingly and willingly subject themselves to torture, coercive pseudo-therapies or chemical castration. Because isn’t that what we all understand ‘conversion therapy’ to mean?
I certainly thought so. And I was eager to see it banned. Finally, an opportunity for all Canadians to unite in protecting LGBTQ people from harm. And most Canadians, including journalists, have understood and continue to understand all discussions about ‘conversion therapy’ to be about coercion and pain. In every single place in the world - except Canada - that is what ‘conversion therapy’ continues to mean.
So I was unpleasantly surprised –shocked, in fact –when I learned of Canada’s new, aberrant definition of what is now deceptively labeled as ‘conversion therapy’. In a definition not shared by any body of research or jurisdiction in the rest of the world, ‘conversion therapy’ has been expanded to include behavioral therapy and support groups for those whose sexuality or gender causes them distress. According to Canada’s definition, what I willingly chose to undergo, is ‘conversion therapy’.
I remember the first time I learned what therapy was. My mom had just gotten a job working as a school guidance counselor, and as she explained her work I listened with interest. I thought of the different struggles youth must be wrestling with, if there was a unique position at the school dedicated to help them. As a child I did not think I would ever need access to the types of care provided by people like my mom, but I could not have been more wrong.
I became a porn and sex addict after I was sexually assaulted as a teenager. I was molested by individuals in my community and unable to disclose what happened. It took nearly 10 years for me to find relief from the devastating consequences to my mental health, and there is one thing I know for sure: Without the help of my support group and counselor, I would not have made it. Suicidal thoughts are not unknown to me, and I understand what post-traumatic stress is. In the midst of all that pain caused by sexual trauma, I needed help.
The help I got was multifaceted. The faith-based support group I was part of gave me a community, others who understood my aches and pains and who were, like me, determined to seek God until the end, no matter what. We gave each other a safe place, opportunities for friendship and refreshment, and permission to let our inner realities and truths be spoken out loud. My secular counselor, on the other hand, was able to help me through behavioral therapy, giving me a way through the trauma of what happened when I was younger. She helped me discover that my identity was not based on what I felt or thought about myself; my identity was defined by who loved me unconditionally and perfectly, regardless of my weaknesses.
So, who in the world are these people who choose to get ‘conversion therapy’? Why on earth would anyone choose to seek out professional help to deal with their feelings and the outcomes of it? Our goal at Free to Care is to show that in no other area of mental health do we question our right to counseling. It is only due to the fissure caused by Canada’s ‘conversion therapy’ that we need to justify our counseling choices. Understanding counseling to be an important part of maintaining good mental health, we realize that the people who access counseling are Canadians of all stripes. We are consenting clients who made informed decisions about our health. We choose to get help as people of all faiths, from Christian to atheist to Muslim. Some of us are adults, and some of us got counseling as minors for many different reasons. Some choose it because they love their wife and kids and want to try to save their marriage in resisting to their homosexual attractions. Some, in the trans community, want to learn how to love the body they were born with. Still others want to align their behavior with their religious beliefs. Those of us who have made this choice should be acknowledged in this country and it should be known that counseling helped us.
I wish I did not have to defend my right to counseling, and I hope no one in the future will have to do so. That is why we are working hard not only to share our stories but to ensure that everyone else can continue to do so, as well. Now that the attacks on ‘conversion therapy’ are more virulent[1], it becomes even more important for us to speak truth about this situation that is in fact devastating in its consequences.
It is time we dispel myths about what our counseling was and why we got it. Over the past couple of years, we have learned a lot as a team about what the conversations around ‘conversion therapy’ is like. For those of us who have been directly involved in speaking to Canadian government officials about this topic, we have seen firsthand how polarizing the conversations about LGBTQ issues can become. We were interrupted and told to temper our comments. We have been fact-checked by academic professionals who disagreed with the facts of our testimony. We were censored from speaking to municipal governments on the topic altogether.
But what most of Canada fails to understand is the faulty assumptions Canada’s definition of ‘conversion therapy’ is based on. It came in the form of a question from a city councillor in Calgary: ‘Why would anyone get counseling to reduce their sexual attractions or behaviors?’ Begging the question, he suggested that even talking about these types of therapies and our personal experiences with them was both foolish and not welcome. Hate speech and homophobia, is what we were apparently guilty of. This should not scare us; it should motivate us.
I continue to go to therapy to deal with ongoing challenges to my mental health. Sometimes my behavior is a cause for concern, so we discuss how I navigate situations and whether there may be a better way forward. Sometimes it is my thoughts that distress me, and we use our sessions to speak truth into the ones that are not helpful to my recovery, rejecting the lies that tear me down. When our distress is related to our sexuality, we need all the help we can get.
This is what good, effective counseling can do. When change is desired, and help is available, counseling can completely change our lives. So, after hearing a Calgary city councillor malign the type of counseling I got, I could no longer be silent. We invite you to join us and do the same –speak out, be brave, and be kind.
See Colette’s statement to the justice committee on Bill C-6
Free to Care
https://www.freetocare.ca/blog/who-in-their-right-mind-chooses-conversion-therapy
https://www.freetocare.ca/blog/who-in-their-right-mind-chooses-conversion-therapy
